


"so Phil and I kind of got married"

by umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex



Series: Days in the Married Life of Dan and Phil [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Domestic Phan, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex/pseuds/umathurmanjustwatchedmehavesex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's November 2017, Dan and Phil have just gotten married, and Dan decides to upload a video to announce it. Vlogging format, first part of a series of married!Phan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "so Dan and I kind of got married"

[shot opens on Dan sitting on the bed in Phil’s bedroom, hands clasped on his lap and a nervous smile on his face.]

“So, as you can see, I am not filming in the bedroom I normally film in. Instead, I’m filming in me and Phil’s bedroom – yes, you heard me correctly. I’m filming in our bedroom because we are, despite all the ridiculous, ridiculous things I've said over the last half a decade or so, actually dating, which comes to a surprise to absolutely no one at this point, and also… me and Phil kind of got married.”

[Dan lifts his right hand and wiggles his ring-adorned fingers for all the world to see.]

“Props to any of you that spotted the ring before I said that, by the way. Yes, I know, you’re all freaking out right now – I can literally feel the phantom twitter notifications buzzing on my phone – but this is a Serious Video, caps lock on both the Serious and the Video. It’s been a long time coming, to be honest, and I want to give you the coming out video that not only you but _I_ deserve. I have been in that closet for a very long time, and believe me there is a _lot_  that needs airing out.” 

[Jumpcut: Dan lifts up some notecards and waves them at the screen.]

“So, I compiled list of questions of things I want to talk about with you guys, and things you guys probably want answering most – the safe-for-work ones, at least.”

“ _So, Mr Howell-Lester, why did you decide to get married?_   Well, I decided to marry Phil because he asked me, is the long and short of it, and because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him – still want to, actually. So, pretty much the same reason all couples want to get married, I guess.”

“ _Why did we decide to come out?_   When Phil put the ring on my finger, I basically realised I never wanted to take it off, ever, to put it simply. It was like this tiny little explosion in my mind of, oh my god, he just put the ring on my finger; oh my god, I never want to take this ring off, ever, for the rest of my entire life; oh my god, _what the hell am I going to do_ \- ...yeah, quite quickly came to the conclusion that it was time to come out of what was basically an invisible closet by this point."

"Also, we’re married. Actually, fully, 100% married. We didn’t think that how we felt towards each other would change that much once we tied the not or whatever but, oh my _god_ , it has changed _everything_. It has made everything so much serious in the most terrifyingly amazing way possible, and coming out just feels like the best way to honour that commitment to each other. Plus, it became pretty obvious to us that we’re going to have to do it eventually, and what better way to do it then when we’re still slap-bang in the middle of the honeymoon period, right? I am literally the happiest I have ever been right now, and I wanted to share that with you guys since half of it is purely down to your support.”

“ _So are you, like, gay now?_ No, actually, I’ve pretty much always been gay. Well, bi, and, to be honest, I don't really like that label either. Still not a big fan of putting myself in a box, especially when it comes to sexuality? But if I had to choose one I would say bi. What can I say? Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot, I just happen to find Phil the hottest. Clearly, seeing as I married him - …It still feels _so_ weird to say that, you don’t even know.”

“ _But, Dan, what about all the things you said in 2012?_ Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Yeah, no, we don’t talk about 2012. But seriously, though, a lot of what I said back then was true, far more than you’d think after everything you’ve heard since the start of this video. We basically… weren’t together for the most of 2012? Like, we were on and off, and we never really broke up properly, especially as we still decided to move to bloody London together, but, yeah. Not the best of times, 2012.”

[Jumpcut to him looking exaggeratedly shame-faced at the camera]

"Aaaanyway, moving on.  _How are your videos going to change?_  …they’re not? Not really, anyway. Obviously, we’re going to do things like the Boyfriend Challenge, now that we can, and the Newlywed Tag that Rosie and Rosie did, might be in the same video, not sure yet. We’ve also got a video lined up for the next fortnight or so, another _Day in the Life of Dan and Phil_ but this time back in Japan. Not in Tokyo this time, but in one of the places we stayed in while we were in Japan for a week."

”...if you haven’t got the picture yet, we basically made a _Day in the Life_ of us on our honeymoon. Eighteen-year-old me is flipping the fuck out just as much as you are right now, believe me.” 

“We’re also probably going to do a _Day in the Married Life of Dan and Phil_ , but we’ll probably wait until our one-year anniversary to do that. But, yeah, pretty much the same deal as before, we’re still separate people and we’re still separate channels, just now I might film in here a bit more instead and will probably refer to Phil as my husband instead of my flatmate because, well, he is.”

“ _Are you going to kiss in videos?_ Eh… probably not. Like, who knows, we might do the Lip Balm Challenge at some point, and you might get a few in Younow’s, maybe, but, honestly, there are some aspects of our relationship that we don’t want to broadcast all that publicly, and this is one of them. So, sorry we can’t play out your fantasy fanfictions – in public, that is – but that’s just how it is.”

“Now for my question for you guys. Well – not so much a question as a request. I understand that you guys probably have far, far, far more questions than I could even think of answering just in one video, and I respect that. So, I have set up another email address, which is the description below, so I can make a sort of Internet Support Group: Special Edition type-thing based around me and Phil’s relationship.”

“Now, I want serious questions, guys, and I mean serious questions. Nothing smutty, nothing silly – questions like what being in the closet in such a public position is like, asking for advice on potentially moving in with a partner, how to deal with homophobia from family or just homophobia in general, how to deal with long distance relationships or internet relationships or age gaps in relationships, stuff like that.”

“Remember, the more serious the question, the more likely I am to answer it, because this is my life, and this is serious. Like, I am literally married, that’s how serious I am about this. Spam the comments with as much silly stuff as you like, go crazy, the more support the better to be honest, but I am really looking forward to answering some of the good, in-depth, well thought out questions that you send my way because the idea that I could help someone who is in a similar position that I was in this time eight years ago means more than you can imagine to me.”

“Phew. I literally feel so much better; this was actually far more therapeutic than I expected it to be – aaand now I’m going to go scream into a pillow, and not for _that_ reason, get your head out of the gutter, oh my god.” 

[Jumpcut: two right hands are now waggling their ring-adorned fingers in front of the screen]

“This is the sexy but committed end screen dance. Click on my wedding ring to subscribe, and click on my husband’s wedding ring if you want to subscribe to his channel, and his thumb if you want a video of me actually coming out of a closet. Click on my thumb to check out my side channel if you want to see the outtakes for this video, including running commentary from one Phil Howell-Lester plus multiple existential crisises from yours truly. Thank you for watching, and I hope all your phan fantasies have been adequately satisfied.”

[Jumpcut back to Dan sitting back on their bed with a contemplative look on his face]

“Okay, maybe for that reason, I _have_ just gotten married.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mostly mindless self-indulgence, comment if you think dan and phil should also get married


	2. outtakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Outtakes" for previous chapter. Hopefully left enough at the beginning of each part so that you know when in the video it took place!

“So me and Phil kind of got married.”

“Only kind of, though.”

[Phil’s voice comes from the bottom left hand corner of the screen: Dan smiles, eyes glancing fondly in that direction every so often.]

“Yeah, not, like, _completely_ married, just a bit married.”

“On the scale of one to ten, how married would you say we are?”

“Eight? Maybe?”

“I was going to say six.”

“ _You were only going to say_ –”

[Jumpcut to Dan wide-eyed and staring past the bottom left corner of the screen.]

“Oh, my god, we got married. Phil, we got _married_. Like, full-on at-the-altar-wedding-rings-in-front-of-all-our-family _married_.”

“Yes, we did, I’m pretty sure I was there. Dan, this is like the ten millionth time we’ve had this conversation.”

“Yes, but, Phil, I’m telling the _internet_.”

“How’s that going?”

“Not very well, actually. Like, you guys think you’re freaking out right now, that is absolutely _nothing_ to what is going on inside my brain. I kind of want to – oh, wait, I have an idea. Phil, could you go get my old school shirt and tie from my room?”

“You don’t have to say it’s your bedroom anymore, remember?”

“Oh, god, I don’t, do I? That's gonna be nice, I hadn't actually thought about that. I mean, we kind of got used to it, especially as I still keep most of my clothes in there because this room does not have enough closet space - "

" - we both managed to fit in there pretty comfortably for a few years."

" _Yes_ , Phil, thank you for that contribution, now could you go get them, please?"

“Why do I have to get it, anyway?”

“To… prove to my subscribers that you’re a supportive husband and they should all be jealous?”

[Phil sighs, and there are sounds of him standing up and leaving the room in the background.]

“Thank you! …ah, the husband card. It’s going to get old sometime soon, but hopefully not _too_ soon.”

[Jumpcut.]

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you –”

[Phil walks into the camera, hands Dan a shirt and a tie, leans down to –]

[Jumpcut to Dan grinning at the camera]

“Ha, ha, thought you were in luck there, didn’t you? Okay, but now Phil has actually got these I can play out my idea.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this for an _outtakes_ video.”

“I can’t believe you – you – your _mum_.”

“You can’t believe your mum-in-law?”

“…yeah, it’s a little bit harder to make jokes about his mum now that she’s my _mother-in-law_.”

[Jumpcut.]

“I kind of want to send an email to my fifteen-year-old self, like – hey, you know that guy whose videos you watch obsessively? _Totes_ married to him.”

[Jumpcut to Dan wearing a school uniform and looking fidgety]

“Wait, does that mean you’ve… you know?”

[Jumpcut back to Dan as he was previously, smirking.]

“Yes, fifteen-year-old Dan, it _does_ mean you’ve had sex with him - ...Phil is judging me so hard right now, you guys, you have no idea.”

[Jumpcut.]

“Well, I decided to marry Phil because he asked me, is the long and short of it.”

“And you call me unromantic.”

“Fffff _literally_ wasn’t finished yet, Phil. Domestic squabbles, you guys. Gonna be seeing a lot of those.”

[Jumpcut.]

“And because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him – still want to, actually.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it? It’d be a shame that not even a fortnight after we’ve gotten married I was already sick to death of you.”

“It would be. We’d have a shorter marriage than Kim Kardashian’s.”

“We would. Luckily, I’m used to being sick to death of you seeing as I’ve been living with you for the last six, seven years, so hopefully we’ll last a bit longer than seventy-two days.”

“Maybe we’ll last for seventy-two years.”

“Phil, you know how unfit we both are. I doubt we’ll even both be alive at seventy-two, never mind after seventy-two years of marriage.”

“Okay, now I’m sad. What about seventy-two months?”

“Seventy-two months? That’s, what, six years? New aim: last six years of marriage with Phil Lester.”

“It’s Phil _Howell-_ Lester, actually, thank you very much.”

“So many arguments about surname changing. So, so many.”

[Jumpcut.]

“When Phil put the ring on my finger, I basically realised I never wanted to take it off, ever, to put it simply –”

“That’s really cute.”

“ _Literally_ told you that on our wedding night, Phil.”

“I know. It’s still cute.”

“Well, it’s good to know you care."

[Jumpcut.]

“Let’s be Kanye and Kim, not Kris and Kim.”

“But only if I’m Kanye.”

“But I wanted to be Kanye!”

[Dan sends an unimpressed look at Phil.]

“Really. Really. _You_ wanted to be Kanye.”

“…okay, you get to be Kanye.”

[Dan looks triumphantly back at the camera.]

“Marriage is about compromise, people. Marriage is about compromise.”

 [Jumpcut.]

“And I wanted to share that with you guys since half of it is because of you –”

[Dan sighs, and gestures to his right where the sounds of sniffling are coming from]

 “ – and the other half is somehow due to the man crying in the corner of our bedroom.”

“I’m not crying! I’m not, I swear!”

“Yes, he is, literally, if only you _see_ him right now. Only been married to me for, what, three weeks, and he’s already miserable.”

“You are actually the worst husband ever.”

[Jumpcut.]

“You don’t know how hard this is. You literally don’t know how hard it is to sit here and film this with him sitting in the corner of the room looking all adorable and distracting. Like, I would turn the camera around and show you, but I literally think it would make a number of you explode.”

“It’s making you explode.”

[Dan splutters: Phil’s laughter can be heard in the background as he facepalms.]

“You do realise how bad that sounded, right? Especially now they know that we’re actually –”

[Jumpcut.]

“Together. Actually _together_. Phil made me cut what I actually said.”

[Jumpcut.]

“No, actually, I’ve been gay all my life. Well, bi.  I still really like tits, I just happen to like Phil more.”

“Would you prefer it if I had tits?”

[Dan looks thoughtfully past the bottom left of the camera screen.]

“I’m not sure, actually. They might not go well with the rest of your body.”

“They’d make good pillows, though.”

“They would. What about if I had tits?”

“If they were as good as Sarah Michelle Gellar’s. I’m bi, too, by the way, if anyone's curious.”

[Dan looks back at the camera with a fake laugh.]

“Ha, ha, _bi_ the way, good one, Phil.”

“I’m quite proud of that one, actually.”

“I’m sure you are. Would you’ve preferred to marry Sarah Michelle Gellar instead of me?”

“No, of course not. I would pick you a hundred times over her. Sorry, Buffy!”

“Oh, if your twenty-one-year old self you hear you now. That’s true love right there, people: when someone would pick you over Sarah Michelle Gellar.”

“Maybe Sarah Michelle Gellar will be our always.”

“Right, that’s it, I’m filing for divorce.”

[Jumpcut.]

“I literally thought I was going to cry with happiness when you suggested we do a _Day in the Life_ of us on our honeymoon.”

“No, Phil, you didn’t think you would cry, you actually cried.”

“In my defence, I was very jetlagged.”

“And hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, ay, ay, ayyyy.”

[Jumpcut.]

“Wait, does this mean you had a crush on me? How embarrassing.”

“Dan, we’re married.”

“ _Still_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so much fun to wriiiiiiite - please comment if you have any favourite lines! it always means a lot


End file.
